As Singaporeans hit midlife, therapists flag relationship strain from caregiving and workplace pressures

Co-written with Alliance Counselling / Martine Hill, Anita Krishnan-Shankar and Kiki Mohan

SINGAPORE — Clinicians say relationship stress is common among adults in their 40s and 50s as caregiving demands, evolving careers and health changes converge. International research has long linked the quality of close relationships with long-term health and wellbeing, and local therapists urge earlier support to prevent burnout and isolation.

Midlife Stress Rises As Responsibilities Stack up

More residents are straddling responsibilities to teenage or adult children and ageing parents while maintaining full-time work. Counsellors report recurring patterns in couples and families: communication breakdowns, unclear roles in eldercare, and shrinking time for friends. Experts recommend “small, repeatable habits” at home, clearer boundaries within families, and timely access to counselling.

"Midlife isn’t so much a crisis as it is a sandwich, said Kiki Mohan, a psychotherapist at Alliance Counselling. — layered with being a parent, partner, employee, and carer for ageing parents. Without some structure and scaffolding, the weight of all these layers often presses hardest on our closest relationships.”

Caregiving And Work Pressures Converge In Midlife

Therapists describe a “sandwich” effect. Parents in their 40s and 50s may still fund education or housing for grown children, while coordinating medical appointments and daily support for elderly parents. Siblings can clash over uneven care loads; spouses often say practical talk has replaced emotional connection.

At work, midlifers report heavier leadership duties and “always-on” expectations. Clinicians say fatigue, sleep disruption and worries about finances or retirement plans commonly spill into home life.

“Many couples function like effective co-managers,” said Martine Hill, Clinical Director at Alliance Counselling. They’re great at handling logistics and responsibilities, but find themselves emotionally distant. Restoring connection isn’t about working harder, it’s about choosing to be intentional with each other.

Couples Reconnect By Using Small, Repeatable Routines

Common friction points include money, time, intimacy and support for ageing parents. Some couples benefit from a “reconnection routine”: short daily check-ins and a brief weekly meeting for logistics and money, so emotional conversations are not ambushed at bedtime.

Later-life separations do occur, therapists note, although many couples report improved satisfaction after deliberate efforts to reconnect—especially once active parenting eases.

What Helps (Clinicians’ Playbook)

Anita Krishnan-Shankar shares:

• Daily 10: One stressor and one small win; each partner listens and validates (no problem solving)

• Weekly 15: Connection Ritual; any intentional practise that creates a sense of closeness

• Intimacy chat: Noticing what’s going well, then choosing one small change to explore – timing, context or touch

  
  

Clear Roles and Simple Scripts Reduce Family Conflict

Caregiving often revives old sibling roles. Disputes arise over who attends appointments, who pays what, and how to update relatives without constant friction. Therapists suggest writing down roles and rotating them quarterly where feasible.

A simple communication scaffold—“info → feeling → ask”—reduces heat:“Mum’s blood pressure rose today (info). I felt worried (feeling). Can you take Saturday’s meds check (ask)?”

For households with adult children, counsellors recommend clear living agreements covering quiet hours, chores, guests and shared costs.

Friendships Protect Against Isolation And Stress

"In midlife, friendships operate as protective and critical health assets, providing psychosocial resources such as perspective-taking, validation, and adaptive coping strategies that foster connection and belonging", said Kiki Mohan.

Yet social ties often shrink in the face of work and caregiving. Practitioners suggest scheduling a standing monthly meet-up, creating a three-person chat to ensure plans happen, and combining movement + connection (walk-and-talks).

Clarity at Work Helps Protect Energy At Home

Therapists encourage midlifers to identify three core stakeholders and run a monthly “care + clarity” loop (“Here’s what I’m prioritising; what do you need next?”).

Managers can help by signalling availability windows and modelling boundary-setting. Peer circles for locals and expats could serve as informal advisory boards for career pivots and caregiving.

Repeating Patterns Signal It May Be Time For Support

Counsellors advise a professional consultation when the same conflict repeats without resolution, when resentment replaces warmth or curiosity, when caregiving or work exhaustion persists, or when there is loneliness despite being around people. Therapy like individual or couples typically focuses on communication skills, boundary-setting and shared planning.

“Brief targeted work can shift maladaptive patterns, said Anita Krishnan-Shankar, Psychologist at Alliance Counselling. Being authentic while changing the relationship isn’t mutually exclusive—structure allows for both.

Service Guide: Habits That Travel Well

1. Name it kindly: “I’m overloaded today—can we revisit after dinner?”

2. Tiny reconnection: 10 minutes daily, no phones.

3. Repair attempts: “That came out sharp—what I meant was…”

4. Assume good intent: ask one clarifying question before reacting.

5. Daily appreciation: specific, recent, genuine.

6. Book the scaffolding: a therapy slot, respite hour, friend date—schedule it
   

If you or someone you love is feeling the strain of midlife demands, support is available. Alliance Counselling, our Mental Health Partner for Midlife Festival 2025 offers individual and couples therapy to help families communicate, set boundaries and reconnect.

A 2-Day affair for Everyone.

For more practical tools and clinician insights, join us at Midlife Festival 2025 in Singapore, where Alliance Counselling’s therapists will appear on our relationship and mental-wellbeing panels.

Disclosure: This is a sponsored article produced in collaboration with Alliance Counselling. While partners may review for factual accuracy about their services, editorial control over topics, framing and recommendations rests with the publisher. The content is for educational purposes and does not replace medical or mental-health advice; please consult a qualified professional.